* I’m going to open a restaurant that only serves crabs and pizza.
I’ll call it the crust station.
* What do you call a fake pizza?
A pepperphony pizza.
* What’s the difference between a good pizza joke and a bad pizza joke?
* How to fix a broken pizza?
With tomato paste.
* Why is the mushroom always invited to pizza parties?
Because it is such a fungus!
* Why did the pizzeria desperately need business?
Because they kneaded the dough.
* If pizza could talk, what would it say?
Probably a lot of cheesy stuff.
* I fell asleep with pizza in the oven today.
Burned 2000 calories.
* A mummified macaroni pizza was discovered in Italy today.
The man who discovered it said, “It’s a pizza from our pasta.
* Why did the hipster burn his mouth eating his pizza?
He ate it long before it got cold.
* What kind of person doesn’t like pizza?
A dough to pour.
* Why did the man cut his pizza with a smartphone?
It’s cutting-edge technology.
The owner was delighted with the way the electrician had carried out all the work on his house. “You did a very good job.” he said, handing a check to the man. “Plus, as a way of saying thank you, here’s an extra £80 to take the lady out to dinner and see a film.” Later that night the doorbell rang and it was the electrician. Thinking the electrician had forgotten something, the man asked, “What is it, did you forget something?” “Nope.” answered the electrician. “I’m just here to take your wife out to dinner and see a movie like you requested.”
Four surgeons discuss who makes the best type of surgery patient.
The first surgeon says: “I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them, everything inside is numbered.
The second responds: “Yeah, but you should try the electricians! Everything in them is color coded.
The third surgeon says, “No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside is in alphabetical order.
The fourth surgeon chimed in, “You know, I like construction workers ~ they seem to understand when you have a few pieces left at the end and when the job takes longer than expected.”